I posted about this on Instagram yesterday, but I have a bit more to say on the subject, which I’ve squirrelled away in my notebook. That post seemed to strike a chord with many of you, so maybe this will too. I wrote the following on New Year’s Eve.
There are a lot of posts on social media looking back at the beginning of this decade, and forgive me, but I really don’t want to.
I started 2010 ill, confused, tired; and I remained that way for some time. I find it quite painful to think back to that year, and to compare it to others’, so I’m trying not to.
There’s a huge gulf – between me and them, between then and now. I chose to disconnect myself from those memories, and to concentrate on the present – strange for someone who loves nostalgia so much.
I’m sure many could relate to this – it’s not always a joy to reminisce. If you’ve experienced chronic illness, loss, and any other traumatic experiences, sometimes it’s easier to just leave them in the box you put them in and get on with it. The amount of frustration, guilt and sadness I felt is not something I want to go over any more than I already do. I’ll deal with any residual emotions when they arise and look forwards.
What I can see quite clearly is how far I’ve come in those 10 years. No, I haven’t married, had kids, bought a house.. but I’ve learned a lot about myself, and other people. I’ve learnt my strengths and my limits. I’ve slowly created a life that I like rather a lot.
And, of course, there have been countless happy moments!
I have absolutely no idea what the next decade will bring, especially as I gave up making life plans a long time ago. But I’m certain it will be filled with love, sadness, and learning, as all decades are.
Luckily, those year/decade round-ups have pretty much stopped now, and I hope they haven’t made you feel too bad about your own experiences. We are all moving in different ways, and that’s okay! That’s what makes us so interesting.
Take your time, focus on you, and focus on now. And please, don’t feel too defeated when you inevitably reach setbacks or bad days – we all have them, we all feel shitty sometimes, and we’re all just trying our best.
All the love to you in this brand new year.
