I’ve had a tumultuous relationship with my body – I verge between love and hate what feels like hourly. I resent it, I marvel at it, I can’t bear to look at it, I can’t get enough. I never know where I stand with myself.

I’ve talked before about my ongoing self-esteem journey, and accepting the way I look is a huge part of that. I’m not there yet. Sometimes I think I’m doing okay, that I like myself; sometimes I don’t. But there are ways that I can help myself feel better.

Over the years, I’ve adorned my skin with pictures. I’ve always liked tattoos, and I like having sentimental things on me forever – these are memories that I can’t lose. Part of me wishes I was completely covered, so that you can’t quite make out what’s underneath. Being laid bare fills me with dread nowadays.

It’s been a while since I talked about my tattoos and their meanings on here, so I’ll give you a quick run down:

• my two cats on my back – my first tattoos ever.
• a cupcake and an ice cream behind each ear – basically just because I love food.
• bunch of flowers on my upper arm – in memory of my granny.
• a scribble from one of Geoff’s sketchbooks – in memory of him.
• trumpet on my inner arm – in memory of my grandad.
• envelope with flowers – a design I fell in love with, by my friend and clever illustrator Ella Masters.
• “let go” on my wrist – because I need to learn to.
• the moon on my other wrist – because I love the moon and all the silly things I think it stands for.
• a cat, moustache & padlock on my inner arm – symbolising the people I went to Paris with.
• the mouth of the river Dart on the back of my arm – where I grew up.
• hot air balloon on my ribs – to symbolise Bristol, where I live and love now.
• girl + moon on my ribs – a design I fell in love with, by Lana. One of my most recent.
• a Charles Bukowski quote on my thigh with flowers – “you have to die a few times before you can really live” – one of my favourite writers and this phrase resonated with me.
• another of Geoff’s sketchbook doodles on the back of one calf – in memory of him.
• a bunch of flowers with “be kind” – my newest, and not quite finished – my current life motto.
• a rose chafer + roses – I became obsessed with these bugs about 5 years ago. They always appear in the garden in May. This one is one of Elliott‘s early tattoos.
• “devon pride” across my toes – self explanatory!

Other than the early ones, pretty much all of these are done by Oli Read – you can find his colour work under Pops 138, and black work under Dirt Nap on Instagram. A talented and lovely boy.

When I’ve got my newest one finished up, I’m planning one in memory of my other grandmother who died earlier this year, and my aunt who died when I was 11. Some people may think it’s weird to have my body littered with loss, but it’s the way I keep them alive and with me. They give my body and my skin so much more meaning. I feel proud to have them etched into my skin forever.

Something which always makes me feel a little better about undressing, is a beautiful lingerie set that fits like a glove. This lovely navy blue Gossard set was kindly sent to me from UK Lingerie, and it feels so good on. When underwear fits correctly, it feels like it was made especially for you, so make sure you get measured to get the most out of it.

I love the classic, vintage style of this set, and I’m a sucker for a high waist lace knicker. Wearing matching underwear makes me feel a bit more put together. No one can see it, but at least I know, underneath it all, I’ve got this nailed.

As well as my body, I’m trying to embrace the rest of me, by wearing less make up, and letting my hair dry naturally more. We’re told that big pores, uneven skin, and frizzy hair are undesirable, but this is how so many of us are naturally. And we’re more than good enough as we are.

I have to be honest, this feels a lot easier when I have a bit of a tan, and I still feel pretty anxious leaving the house with a totally bare face, but it’s a step in the right direction. The more comfortable we can be as our true, natural self, the better.

What do you do to feel better in your own skin?